SO. I got some mileage out of my VIP pass this year by actually staying for the concert rather than just stuffing my face in the back and bolting out. Definitely not one of my most favorite memorable experiences since I can only describe it as gross and disgusting. I'm trying to be more open-minded, but it's kind of hard to enjoy myself when I don't even listen to this type of music to begin with. Not to mention, it didn't really help when I was already getting a good glimpse of the types of people who were going especially after selling them tickets. In a nutshell ~ sweat, drugs, alcohol, and grinding to the nth degree.
And that was my cue to flash the pass and retreat to the back, sometimes all the way to the ticket trailer where I knew fer sure that everyone showers on a daily basis.
I know I've probably told you nearly everything regardless if you wanted to hear it or not, but I've never thanked you for being a true friend.
I was there for you when you asked me to because I've always cared about you and when you told me that you'd return the favor, I kind of brushed it off thinking that I would never need help. I would rather have someone depend on me rather than vice versa. But you answered my text in a heartbeat that night when I couldn't think of anyone else to turn to and you continue to listen and console me.
Now that I think about it though, I've always looked to you as a security blanket. I don't know if you remember, but I would always save a seat next to me in hopes that you'd eventually take it. Even if I teased you, I honestly felt the most comfortable when I knew you were near because there hasn't been a day that's gone by when you haven't made me laugh or put a smile on my face at the least <3
My only wish for us is that no matter what happens, I hope that we'll always be there for each other like how it's been since day one.
When I was 18, I imagined myself to be in a long-term relationship while on the border of getting engaged by the time I was 21. I'd graduate by 22, enter grad school soon after, and be outta there with a job & married by 24. I'd start having kids by 25 and stop until I hit 30. I think I stopped planning after that because anything past 30 sounded like it would be smooth sailing. You only get finer with age, right?
That was my life plan when I graduated from high school. Now, I'm nearly a year away from graduating from college and I'm in panic mode not knowing what I'm going to do. I'm not even in a relationship, getting into grad school is a lot more difficult than I thought it'd be, and just because I have a degree, doesn't necessarily guarantee a career. I obviously jumped the gun on having a baby by 5 years and now my only concerns are making him happy and finding someone who'll love both him and me. And I'm not gonna lie, trying to balance home life with a "better now than never" late-blooming social life can be frustrating.
I'm not too sure if this complication stems from my hiatus or because I just have too much time on my hands going over my insecurities and feel as though I need an ego booster every now and then. Or both. I used to be the kind of girl where my wants dissolved into nothing overnight. But now, wants turn into needs and sometimes I just can't help but buy impulsively. More money, more problems. More problems, more clothes.
I almost forgot to mention that my first online garment order from Asos.com finally came in last Saturday! ^__^ I was nervous to try it on since my friend had told me that she heard the sizing is either too big or too small, but it fit perfectly to my relief (I've never had to ship anything let alone return something and hope that the next size will be "the one"). The fabric and style is perfect for summer, but I'm not too sure where I would where this to..hopefully something will come up in the near future!
TFNC One Sleeve Embellished Layered Dress
I also did the unthinkable and bought a pair of EOS Max Gold Black circle lens and a pack of Diamond Lash Series 2 No. 1 Glamorous Eye. I don't know what more to say besides the fact that I'm the biggest hypocrite ever and I hope that I don't go blind.
And lastly, my mom and I did the usual weekend routine today, but we felt that it was too early to leave, so I decided to try heels on just to kill some time at Nordstrom. I think she secretly wants me to splurge sometimes because she used to always say that I was boring when I wasn't interested in shopping (circa beached whale days). Anyways, I wasn't planning to buy anything..until I fell in love with these:
Trouve 'Lavont' Caged Sandal
I was just about to say that my collection was complete, but I realized that I need a grey heel to match all of my black outfits. Just one more pair, I swear. Then again, that's what I said about a solid brown pair.
I used to think people who lived a double style life were lame..but here I am doing just that. The typical weekday consists of shirt & jeans, hair pulled back, casual slippers/sandals, Mary Poppins bag, and glasses (partially to hide my bags under my eyes). ..And then Saturday comes.
I kind of like making one day of the week special though especially because it's the only day I get to go out! Might as well have fun and feel good! ^__^
I was flipping through the VS Swimsuit catalog a couple of weeks ago and felt this surge of desire to go out and buy a swimsuit. That feeling quickly died after I looked down at my eyesore of a body. With stretchmarks, linea nigra, and discoloration still visible, who wouldn't feel self-conscious? And that's only my stomach.
But all hope is not lost. I figured a little time at the gym and a tube of Mederma Stretch Marks Therapy might just be the solutions to some of my insecurities and I'll be ready to make another attempt to come out of my hermit shell. I'll probably lone ranger it to the beach though cuz seriously, have you seen my friends? They make me want to move to the Middle East so I have every reason to stay covered up.
And no, this post is not a cry for reassurance. No one really knows what a hot mess my body looks like to begin with, so it'll continue to be under construction until further notice.
In anticipation of going to Shannon's Accounting Club event last night, I ordered a chiffon dress from asos.com that still hasn't come in yet. So, I ended up going last minute dress hunting and absolutely did not look how I had imagined myself to look. Complete dork status, but I felt like Scarlett O'Hara from Gone with the Wind getting ready to go to the Wilkes' party while Mammy (aka Jaymie) fed me.
Have I your heart, darling?
As an unexperienced club goer, Jaymie and Kelli took the lead and I just followed ^__^ Wasn't really sure what to expect, but I ended up having a really good time with them and wouldn't mind a second go! ..Especially when I'm still waiting patiently for that dress that has yet to be delivered to me.
"I want you to faint. This is what you were meant for. None of the fools you've ever known have kissed you like this, have they?" - Rhett Butler, Gone with the Wind
I usually cook din din on Tuesdays since I'm at home with the behbeh and chicken is the meat of choice because my dad doesn't like to deal with it (salmonella, dry, etc.).
Mom bought buttermilk so we could see what the hype was all about over buttermilk fried chicken, but instead of frying it, I coated it with corn flakes and baked it in the oven. I marinated the chicken in salt, pepper, lemon juice, crushed garlic, buttermilk, and honey, but I think I should've left out the lemon (the buttermilk is tangy enough). I crushed the cereal in a bag and shook the chicken thigh "tenders" in it, but the excess coating became really, REALLY soggy after awhile, so I suggest doing everything quickly!
I was surprised that my parents like this and couldn't believe that my aunty said it tasted good too (she's the best cook I know ^__^)! I marinated the chicken in salt, pepper, & buttermilk, coated in flour, and fried it. Then I tossed it in a random barbeque sauce made with onions, garlic, ketchup, katsu sauce, honey, shoyu, red wine, & a packet of Pizza Hut's red chili pepper flakes. I was thinking about the sauce for capital pork chops at first, but then remembered that mom doesn't like the tangy, so I mellowed it out with more honey!
Overall, marinating chicken in buttermilk for 8 hours really did tenderize the meat, but brining works just as well!!
In one fell swoop, my friend managed to turn me into a giddy little girl when I found Dir en Grey on his itouch/phone. I WORSHIPED them in high school, but strayed away after awhile and now I'm back! I've been having miniature heart attacks throughout the night just listening to all of my favorite songs :3
EVE Half Moon Clip-In Hair Extension in 4 (blackish brown): Wandered into Ala Bella to see if they had any hair extensions since they always have a window display filled with wigs. I've been saving for extensions ever since I was prego because I didn't like how short my hair was and I even planned on getting a "weave" until my hair stylist told me that they're a real pain! Anyways, I asked the salesperson @ Ala Bella for human hair and she pointed some out, but I guess she noticed what lifeless little hair I have, so she suggested the Half Moon series since it's volumizing and can curl really well (my main concern)! She let me test it and it looked a little too long for my preference, but she didn't have anything shorter..whatever though. I was really happy with the results and became ecstatic when she told me that it was going to be cheaper than I had thought! ^___^ Yaay!
Ardell Fashion Lashes 108 Black: I was contemplating whether or not I should buy Dolly Wink lashes, but $20 for two pairs?? @__@ Maybe some other day? I've always had good results with Ardell and I'm only going to toss them after a couple of uses anyways. 108 doesn't flare out at the ends and are more for lengthening than volume (seems like volume + length falsies make my eyes smaller :<).
Bio-Oil: Liquid miracle in a bottle? So many different uses, but we shall see how effective it is on stretch marks!! :/ Kinda smells like insect repellant.
Revlon Extra Life No Chip Top Coat 950: Felt like painting my nails and needed a top coat, but didn't know which brand to choose, so I randomly selected this one.
Rimmel French Manicure PRO French Lingerie 130: I've heard pretty good reviews about Rimmel nail polish, so I chose a baby pink tinged cream since I like neutral colors.
Origins Eye Doctor: "Moisture care for skin around eyes" ~ Hopefully this will help decrease all of those fine lines, dark circles, and puffiness. It smells like tzatziki sauce because of the cucumber! ..Makes me hungry for gyros ;__;
"I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them." - Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
I love how vain he is, I admire the fact that he's passionate and prideful, and I'm not gonna lie, I wouldn't mind living a day or two in indulgence without a guilty conscience.
In essence, he is everything I want and don't want to be.
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what its monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful." - Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
I thought feeling lonely and rejected was bad, but hoping that someone better will come along feels even worse.
Edit: And probably the worst feeling is when I'm trying to be optimistic, but life has its ways of continuously kicking me to the ground until I finally feel like I might as well stay down. It was just one of those days. I haven't felt like that in a long time, but with low lows come high highs and I managed to find the silver lining in my cloudy day after watching "Tangled" ^__^
I was never into Disney princesses and fairy tales, but I suppose the hopeless romantic in me was on high volume and found this to be one of the cutest movies ever. This was my favorite scene since it made me realize (wait for it) the type of guy I want to be in a relationship with (damn, that sounds cheesy -- I'm 21 and I'm basing the ideal guy off of a fictional character from a children's movie nonetheless). Besides being loving, thoughtful, and respectful, I want someone who'll go the WHOLE nine for me. I want someone who'll make me feel special and do romantic things for and with me. I don't even care if it's just for our anniversary or Valentine's Day..I don't want to settle anymore and I definitely don't want to convince myself that that moment we shared was special "just because."
If all good things come to those who wait, then I'll be more patient minus the doom and gloom attitude. No more settling. No more excuses.
I'm one of those nit-picky people who look into the meaning of songs and from there, I either like it or I don't. "Me & Mrs. Jones" is the great exception since I'm not really pro-extramarital affairs, but I'm absolutely in love with this. ..And I don't really have any other reason for feeling that way other than that it sounds good and it cheers me up.
Just when I was feeling pretty content with being single, something just had to go wrong to make me feel like I'm missing something. It's not so much that a particular person has been bothering me these past few days (and it's not that I'm in a rush to get into a relationship or anything), but I guess the infectious disease of loneliness has been slowly creeping into my system again. It would be nice to feel cared about and cared for. A butterfly or two wouldn't hurt, now would it?
Anyways, I've been browsing Tumblrs & Blogspots and came across these quotes that made me rethink my strategy on how to handle this "crisis":
"Dont be the girl who needs a man, be the girl who a man needs."
"Wait for the one who deserves you."
I guess I've never thought about it that way..you know, actually waiting? I'm kinda the type who'll seize the moment, but I'm guessing I have bad aim/timing as far as relationships go? I'll admit, I've been a serial dater, so it's been different (to say the least) to have A LOT of personal space. Let me reemphasize, "A LOT." Even then, I don't know if I'm ready just yet, but the next time around, I definitely want to start right and if it has to end (God willing, it won't), then I want to do that right also. I'm not proud of a lot of things I've done, I live with regrets, and I'd gladly change my past if I could, but I have no choice but to live and learn (or sulk, I suppose), so in the meantime, I'd like to figure out what I can do to better myself. I think my biggest struggle is having high expectations (and not to make it sound like an excuse), but it's only because I'd be willing to do the same for that person? Is that really wrong?
Regardless of all this relationship nonsense, I still try to count my blessings and keep my head up since things could be much worse. Good health, a happy family, the best friends anyone could ever ask for..a great guy would be nice to add to the list, but I have everything that I've ever needed and I couldn't be happier..once I remember to reflect.
Born in Japan, raised in Hawaii. Enjoying life as a new mommy with baby Tohchan. Studying at UHM to become a speech pathologist, but majoring in psychology and linguistics. My workplace is my home away from home. I enjoy cooking, but I'm more interested in eating!
