Much needed break

Not to say that I deserve the rest, but after experiencing my worst semester to date, this break is definitely appreciated. No school and only two days of work this week so I've been spending more time with the bambino and being productively unproductive (meaning that I've been spending my free time reading reviews, watching tutorials, and making a game plan for frivolous purchases).

Hopefully I'll get the lazy bug out of my system by the end of this week so that I'll be on fire especially since Project GCW (gym, class, work) will commence on Monday. Yeah buddy.

Things that make me sad:

The fact that I don't give a flying eff about school anymore despite the fact that I have a major paper and presentation due by Friday. I'm not even gonna lie..I'm still just as clueless as I was on the first day of class even though I attended and did the homework. At this point, I don't even know why I even contemplate doing anything since I've pretty much procrastinated past the point of no return. Like no joke. It's like I'm having a fat moment -- I hate feeling fat and I know I should do something about it, but hot damn, I do love to stuff my face.

On the brighter side, it's all downhill after 4:15 PM on Friday. Then I'll just have to worry about finding a new outfit for Saturday. *Sigh* Oh how difficult life can be.

Over it

This is how I felt after taking my first midterm for this semester. And it's gotten worse since then.

It would've been so much easier if I had taken classes that required a final exam rather than projects or papers so I could just get it over with in one swift motion. There's always summer session and next semester anyways, right?

Random rant: Terrible day

I was rudely awakened at 4 AM and had a feeling that this was just the start of bad things to come. I ended up going back to sleep, but woke up 10 minutes late which somehow led to me leaving the house 30 minutes after I had planned. I got stuck in traffic in the pouring rain, clocked in unbelievably late, and spent the rest of the day at work. When I arrived home after driving through another downpour, I realized that I had scraped my elbow somehow and was bleeding all over the place.

..But seriously, the thing that bothered me the most about today (well, technically this whole week) was being disrespected. Funny how guys seem to think that being a jerk is somewhat attractive. It might've worked in elementary school, but that was how many years ago and I don't like boys anymore. Playing games will intrigue me, not keep me. I like men who are kind and empathetic. The ones who apologize after doing something wrong and try to fix their mistakes rather than revert back to treating me like a second class citizen. I like the kind of guy who shows me that he cares and expresses his feelings, not the ones who expect me to infer how they feel. And above all else, reciprocates. Drop the front and I'll drop mines. Give me respect and I'll respect you. Treat me like a princess and I'll try my very best to make you feel like the luckiest guy in the universe.

On a happier note though, I solved my lash/lens problems and had lunch with my bestie! Not to mention, had a pretty darn good hair day ^__^

Thankful

I know I've probably told you nearly everything regardless if you wanted to hear it or not, but I've never thanked you for being a true friend.

I was there for you when you asked me to because I've always cared about you and when you told me that you'd return the favor, I kind of brushed it off thinking that I would never need help. I would rather have someone depend on me rather than vice versa. But you answered my text in a heartbeat that night when I couldn't think of anyone else to turn to and you continue to listen and console me.

Now that I think about it though, I've always looked to you as a security blanket. I don't know if you remember, but I would always save a seat next to me in hopes that you'd eventually take it. Even if I teased you, I honestly felt the most comfortable when I knew you were near because there hasn't been a day that's gone by when you haven't made me laugh or put a smile on my face at the least <3

My only wish for us is that no matter what happens, I hope that we'll always be there for each other like how it's been since day one.

A little less than a quarter of a century life crisis

When I was 18, I imagined myself to be in a long-term relationship while on the border of getting engaged by the time I was 21. I'd graduate by 22, enter grad school soon after, and be outta there with a job & married by 24. I'd start having kids by 25 and stop until I hit 30. I think I stopped planning after that because anything past 30 sounded like it would be smooth sailing. You only get finer with age, right?

That was my life plan when I graduated from high school. Now, I'm nearly a year away from graduating from college and I'm in panic mode not knowing what I'm going to do. I'm not even in a relationship, getting into grad school is a lot more difficult than I thought it'd be, and just because I have a degree, doesn't necessarily guarantee a career. I obviously jumped the gun on having a baby by 5 years and now my only concerns are making him happy and finding someone who'll love both him and me. And I'm not gonna lie, trying to balance home life with a "better now than never" late-blooming social life can be frustrating.

So. Yah.

"Keep Ya Head Up"

"Because there's too many things for you to deal with,
Dying inside, but outside you're looking fearless." - 2Pac

Typical girl talk

I was flipping through the VS Swimsuit catalog a couple of weeks ago and felt this surge of desire to go out and buy a swimsuit. That feeling quickly died after I looked down at my eyesore of a body. With stretchmarks, linea nigra, and discoloration still visible, who wouldn't feel self-conscious? And that's only my stomach.

But all hope is not lost. I figured a little time at the gym and a tube of Mederma Stretch Marks Therapy might just be the solutions to some of my insecurities and I'll be ready to make another attempt to come out of my hermit shell. I'll probably lone ranger it to the beach though cuz seriously, have you seen my friends? They make me want to move to the Middle East so I have every reason to stay covered up.

And no, this post is not a cry for reassurance. No one really knows what a hot mess my body looks like to begin with, so it'll continue to be under construction until further notice.

♥

"A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one."

"Not everything is meant to be, but it's worth a try."

"The day was warm for April and the golden sunlight streamed brilliantly into Scarlett’s room"

In anticipation of going to Shannon's Accounting Club event last night, I ordered a chiffon dress from asos.com that still hasn't come in yet. So, I ended up going last minute dress hunting and absolutely did not look how I had imagined myself to look. Complete dork status, but I felt like Scarlett O'Hara from Gone with the Wind getting ready to go to the Wilkes' party while Mammy (aka Jaymie) fed me.

Have I your heart, darling?

As an unexperienced club goer, Jaymie and Kelli took the lead and I just followed ^__^ Wasn't really sure what to expect, but I ended up having a really good time with them and wouldn't mind a second go! ..Especially when I'm still waiting patiently for that dress that has yet to be delivered to me.

"I want you to faint. This is what you were meant for. None of the fools you've ever known have kissed you like this, have they?" - Rhett Butler, Gone with the Wind

Shetty deals

I thought feeling lonely and rejected was bad, but hoping that someone better will come along feels even worse.

Edit: And probably the worst feeling is when I'm trying to be optimistic, but life has its ways of continuously kicking me to the ground until I finally feel like I might as well stay down. It was just one of those days. I haven't felt like that in a long time, but with low lows come high highs and I managed to find the silver lining in my cloudy day after watching "Tangled" ^__^

I was never into Disney princesses and fairy tales, but I suppose the hopeless romantic in me was on high volume and found this to be one of the cutest movies ever. This was my favorite scene since it made me realize (wait for it) the type of guy I want to be in a relationship with (damn, that sounds cheesy -- I'm 21 and I'm basing the ideal guy off of a fictional character from a children's movie nonetheless). Besides being loving, thoughtful, and respectful, I want someone who'll go the WHOLE nine for me. I want someone who'll make me feel special and do romantic things for and with me. I don't even care if it's just for our anniversary or Valentine's Day..I don't want to settle anymore and I definitely don't want to convince myself that that moment we shared was special "just because."

If all good things come to those who wait, then I'll be more patient minus the doom and gloom attitude. No more settling. No more excuses.

WARNING: Sappy quotes

 Me, please?

Just when I was feeling pretty content with being single, something just had to go wrong to make me feel like I'm missing something. It's not so much that a particular person has been bothering me these past few days (and it's not that I'm in a rush to get into a relationship or anything), but I guess the infectious disease of loneliness has been slowly creeping into my system again. It would be nice to feel cared about and cared for. A butterfly or two wouldn't hurt, now would it?

Anyways, I've been browsing Tumblrs & Blogspots and came across these quotes that made me rethink my strategy on how to handle this "crisis":

"Dont be the girl who needs a man, be the girl who a man needs."

"Wait for the one who deserves you."

I guess I've never thought about it that way..you know, actually waiting? I'm kinda the type who'll seize the moment, but I'm guessing I have bad aim/timing as far as relationships go? I'll admit, I've been a serial dater, so it's been different (to say the least) to have A LOT of personal space. Let me reemphasize, "A LOT." Even then, I don't know if I'm ready just yet, but the next time around, I definitely want to start right and if it has to end (God willing, it won't), then I want to do that right also. I'm not proud of a lot of things I've done, I live with regrets, and I'd gladly change my past if I could, but I have no choice but to live and learn (or sulk, I suppose), so in the meantime, I'd like to figure out what I can do to better myself. I think my biggest struggle is having high expectations (and not to make it sound like an excuse), but it's only because I'd be willing to do the same for that person? Is that really wrong?

Regardless of all this relationship nonsense, I still try to count my blessings and keep my head up since things could be much worse. Good health, a happy family, the best friends anyone could ever ask for..a great guy would be nice to add to the list, but I have everything that I've ever needed and I couldn't be happier..once I remember to reflect.

My one and only ~ Tohchan

Messymessymessy

Not to say that I'm not in love with life at the moment, but it's just one of those stuck in the rut kinda days, so I decided to organize. I mean, this must be pretty bad if I'm voluntarily cleaning up my own stuff.

Before

After

I'm an extremely messy/unorganized person..like border-lining hoarder (or maybe just flat-out hoarder in denial). But on the rarest of occasions, I make an effort to clean especially when I have mixed emotions in hopes that it'll bring some clarity?

Well, apparently my attempts to change my outlook on things by changing the physical setting has got me nothing but an organized plastic case of makeup. ..And more room for me to type comfortably on my laptop.

Back to school [sigh]

 

The weeks following spring break are probably the hardest for me since I've already got my mind on summer! @__@ Ugh. Takes me a lifetime to get my books out of my bag and actually start getting work done..but I'm glad that my professors seemed pretty tired today too so they didn't seem very concerned about us eagerly participating in their lectures. I wish they were like that every day :/ 

Self-denial

I observed Lent last year and refrained myself from going shopping for 40 days straight. Not exactly for religious reasons, but just to give myself a challenge..and a break to my wallet. I was afraid that I would go on a shopping binge once the time had expired, but I ended up barely spending any money! If anything, most of it went to paying for baby goods! 

Why don't I just keep a New Year's Resolution?? Well, because I know that I'd never be able to make any serious commitment during the holiday season! Good food, great people, & a relaxed atmosphere should be enjoyed without any restrictions!!

This year, I'll be giving up processed sugars @_______@

*Sigh*

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."

                         - Dr. Seuss

"Moon Prism Power"

I feel like my life underwent a complete makeover, but forgot to take my wardrobe with it. Around the same time last year, I was sporting Nike high tops, Palty bleached hair, and everything Hellz Bellz. And then I became pregnant with the babychan. I still wanted to be somewhat fashionable, but my need to be comfortable grew along with my expanding tummy and found it difficult to reach a compromise. The world's greatest invention, BELLA BAND, could only do so much. So, I started shopping for whatever fit me without really caring how I looked and promised myself that I would never "let myself go" (like those frumpy women on makeover shows who dedicate their lives to taking care of their families) once my gelatinous blob of a stomach sucked itself back in.

Well, here I am, post-pregnancy and I'm still wearing the clothes that were meant to fit me and Tohchan. When I first peered into my closet on my first day back to school after giving birth, I felt like I was looking at someone else's wardrobe. I mean, I couldn't just walk out of the house wearing skinny jeans and a shirt that said, "AUTHENTIC SHIT." Good Lord, how inappropriate would that be? (I bought it without realizing it actually said that, but I figured it went well with my style @ the time.) But I also didn't want to wear tops that I had been wearing for the past 4 months. I wanted to celebrate being thin again, but I didn't know how.

So, it might take a little while longer than I thought it would, but I'm going to keep the promise that I had made and I'm going to attempt to revamp everything. I can't believe women who are 10-15 years older dress better than me..and with multiple kids too?! Shame, shame. I guess giving up on being fashion forward: prego edition left me in a rut that I can't seem to pull myself out of, but I'll bounce back! Hair, wardrobe, nails..IT SHALL BE DONE/DID!

Now, I just have to save up for this Sailor Moon transformation. :/ Bleh.

Me (bleached hair & false lashes..and good lighting since my eyes look super brown (sorry, I just had to have my moment of vanity)) ruining a nice picture of Kairiisan & Jehmeh during our New Year's Eve celebration 2010

Sweets for the salty

So, today was the first time I've ever celebrated Valentine's Day without a boyfriend in 6 years. I was on my way to work and I held the door open for a girl who was carrying a bouquet of orchids. I got stuck walking behind a girl who had a glass vase filled with 2 dozen roses. I saw beaming couples walking hand in hand looking at each other as if everyone around them didn't exist. Jesus Christ, talk about adding salt to the wound.

But, regardless of the fact that I was short a significant other, I decided to celebrate by baking chocolate cupcakes with strawberry cream cheese frosting for my office!

I've tried making cupcakes from scratch and they've tasted terrible, so I was surprised how dericious these came out! ^__^ The secret is MAYONNAISE! The recipe called for 1 cup of mayo, but it sounded like a bit much, so I used 1/2 cup mayo, 1/2 cup sour cream. I also added a teaspoon of instant coffee mix to the boiling water since Ina Garten always stresses how coffee enhances the flavor of chocolate (not too sure how effective it was though). The frosting looks gloppy because I added more fresh strawberry puree than was called for. I used 2 packages of cream cheese and a whole box of powdered sugar to try to thicken it, but after tasting it, I quit my attempts to make it look like it came from a can. ( ﾟ▽ﾟ)  it tasted like strawberry ice cream! I don't care too much for combining fruit and chocolate, but the flavors melded well and everyone seemed to enjoy it! It reminded me of an episode of Sailor Moon where Serena slaves away in the kitchen for Rini and makes a total mess, but her curry turns out to taste really good!

Hayley, Sharie, & Jenny brought sweets too, so we had a whole dessert buffet in the afternoon!

Hayley made chocolate chip cookies with pink, red, & white M&M's! So kyoot & yummy!! :9

I even bought Kelly's famous Rice Krispies cookies from the BEST bake sale since she didn't make any for the office :< 

Sharie shared her box of mini Cinnabons that she got from Reed! ^__^ He brought her the biggest balloon bouquet I've ever seen!

Jenny brought the fluffiest cheesecake from La Palme D'Or! >__< So expensive!!

What started off as a seemingly lonely day turned out to be quite fun especially since I worked with my favorites! ^__^ And who could feel depressed when there's a babychan to come home to?? Here's to another sweet Valentine's Day with the people who mean the most to me!

One of Shannon's favorite quotes ♥

"When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew." - William Shakespeare